3 Rules Of Identities

May 25

Identities. Whew, they are complicated. They're both how you define yourself, but also connect with or distinguish yourself from others. But they can be a bit tricky to figure out because they can get confused with values, they can shift and change, and they can make you feel out of control if not handled with care and intention.

Here are 3 rules of identities to pay attention to as you craft who you were, who you are, and who you want to become.

Rule #1 | Identities can shift over time

Some aspects of our identities are consistent over our lives; others change as we gain skills, interests, insights, and experiences, and have different roles in life. Unlike values, our identities are negotiable and flexible. So, think about what identities you have had in the past, what identities you have currently, and what identities you want to have as you look toward the person you’re aiming to become, or be perceived as

Rule #2 | Others can place labels or identities on us.

This one can be hugely problematic because while others see us as having that identity, we don't. And, letting other people place identities on us means we are giving them the control of deciding who we are, and enables them to control the narrative about us in the world. When someone else controls the narrative, we feel…yes…out of control. That is what breeds anxiety and depression, especially in athletes and leaders looking to track their identity toward a specific goal.

Rule #3 | You must decide on your public (ie. professional) vs. private identities to protect your sense of self.

Placing boundaries on what identities you want your outer circles to know helps to maintain a sense of self that remains protected and shielded from criticism. So, make decisions about what you’re willing to share, and what you’re not willing to share—what you want people who are not personal friends to know, and what remains private for those who are in your inner circle (not on social media).

Keep these 3 rules in mind as you start to think about your identities and how you want to shift from how you’re showing up now versus how you want to start showing up from here forward.

Need help crafting your identity or simply need help figuring out where to start? Reach out for a free 20-minute chat and I can help you dig deep.